The Orthopedic Chronicles: Transforming Pain Into Mobility

© Rolon.

I remember the gentle breeze of the air conditioner that day. I had just finished putting together my new bed frame, decorating my room, and turning on my galaxy projector. It would shine bright lights and lasers onto the ceiling with views of the stars and moving galaxies. My bedroom smelled like the early mornings of elementary school days; crisp. Fresh. I remember feeling exhausted. Not only did I put together my new bed frame but I also put new curtains up, I took down my old bed frame and threw it out, I hung cute fairy lights on my window, I even changed my bed set and threw my old one away. All in one go. I was so excited to finally lay down in bed, get a nice meal and Go. To. Bed. But that wasn’t the case. Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this. 

After doing all of this work, my knees felt so sore. I decided to search up ways to exercise my knees. I thought that perhaps if stretching when your back feels sore makes it feel good, then certainly so would stretching the knee area… but boy was I wrong. VERY wrong. I scrolled through google, looking for every possible knee exercise and after some time my eyes finally locked on one that seemed simple, and it came with pictures and steps. 

Step One: Take your left leg and place it over the right knee

Step Two: put your hand on your knee… 

Step Three: push back until you feel a little strain, hold for 2 seconds.. then let go. 

Step Four: Repeat. 

Those were the simple instructions that I had to follow. So I did. I took my right leg and put it over my left knee. I placed my on the right knee and then I pushed gently. Held for 2 seconds. I repeated it three to four times, gently pushing before I felt something. 

It was almost as if my heart stopped beating for a second. I heard a pop and immediately knew something was wrong. I carefully took my right leg off of my left leg, and put it down in its original position before calmly starting to freak the hell out. My right knee showed me a pain I had never felt before; I was terrified. It didn’t hurt like a scratch, cut, or bruise. It hurt like being accidentally burnt. Except the burning feeling doesn’t go away. Ever. 

Illustration © Wiggan.

I had crutches for the first couple of weeks to help with my overall balance, along with a knee brace to help keep my right knee stable and able to withstand the weight of my own body. When I first went to the orthopedic specialist, I told them about my right knee but I also mentioned the aching that came from my left knee. They chose to only treat and investigate the one actively in pain, and that would prove to be a neglectful decision on the doctors' part..  I felt almost shocked and confused by the fact that the doctors didn’t choose to help treat my other knee. I remember days where I would sit and stare at a wall constantly thinking over it, wondering why I didn’t push harder or demand for them to treat my other knee. It broke me, in a way. Made me less hopeful that my journey to heal would go by fast. In a sense, all of these things altered the course of my life. 

A few weeks after my initial appointment the elevator to my apartment building broke down. At this point I stopped using my crutches out of embarrassment, I hated the attention that it brought to me. The pity in people’s eyes made me feel weak, vulnerable. Just like my knees made me. I took two steps down the stairs before I felt a stabbing pain in my left knee. Tears slowly started to fall down my face as I realized what was happening. Just a few weeks before that I had went to target with my friend and bought a brace but only for my right knee. I told myself I should buy one for my left knee too and I didn’t. Not only did the doctor neglect the idea of my left knee potentially giving out… but so did I. It made me feel horrible knowing that I did not listen to my own body. That burning sensation that I experienced in my right knee now existed in my left knee too… and I could not do anything except go to school. I felt like it was my only option.

Imagine having to tell your teacher that you missed school because the elevator stopped working. It seems like such a small thing to miss school over.. so I was determined to make it happen regardless of what happened that day.

See, the doctors never knew what exactly caused the pain to arise. They did however, know that the pain came from my bones rubbing together by giving me MRI’s and X-rays. My bones rub together the incorrect way! I was so relieved to know I was able to put words to my condition even if it wasn’t a proper diagnosis. 

I like to think that because I couldn’t confide in my family about my personal issues, most of my questions about how things worked were left unanswered. So when I questioned myself on why my knees and feet ached so much after walking, I didn’t ask outwardly. I didn’t know throughout the ages of seven to fifteen that odd things like getting really sore after walking, or accidentally falling out under your own weight when your knee just suddenly decides to give out, wasn’t normal. Sometimes your body isn't supposed to be sore every day, and sometimes your knees aren’t supposed to feel strained when bending them in weird ways. 

 By the time that I realized I had a little problem, I was so used to it and I thought that it wasn’t important. That it didn’t matter. It’s still unclear to me what the actual cause is, but me not saying anything very well could have altered the course of my entire life. 

I made it through though. The first few months were hard because I had to come to terms with my newfound vulnerability. I would walk slowly because of the pain, and people looked at me with pity. I hated it. But through that time I had a huge support system where my friends and non blood related family would do things for me, like clear the halls at school and help me walk places. Carry heavy things for me.  Some of them would even walk extra slow for me. Not only did this make me feel better about my condition, but it made me feel loved and more capable than I ever thought I could be. My friends and family impacted me to become stronger and more resilient. Their support taught me the value of compassion in a community. They helped me realize that vulnerability is not a weakness but a part of the human experience that can bring people closer together. I learned to truly just embrace my condition and move forward with confidence, knowing that I am never truly alone.

 The pain is better now, manageable. Sometimes it comes back and I have to walk a little bit slower, and position and reposition my leg repeatedly… but sometimes the pain goes away completely, and I am able to walk fast and breathe a sigh of relief. 

At the end of the day though, I cherish the people who were by my side when it was most difficult. My high school advisor being one of them. He understands the pain that I went through in the sense that he has the same orthopedic issues as me. At first when I found this out I was conflicted. On one hand I felt as if my body had betrayed me, aging me faster than my own biological age. On the other hand, I felt comfort in the fact that he shared an experience with me. 

This is why I have decided to interview him for this project. Firstly, my subject’s name is Aaron Brudo. He is a history teacher at Fannie Lou Hamer high school, and grew up in Flushing, Queens. He has been teaching at Fannie Lou for over six years and loves his job, dearly. Secondly, our interview was rather short but very informative. So let me walk you through it! 

After introducing himself, the very first question is asked. 

“Can you describe how your orthopedic issues first manifested?” To which he responds by saying that it would be small aches and pains that would occur when going up stairs and things of that nature that lead him to believe he had issues with his knees. This is how it first manifested in myself as well. 

Not everyone sees what we may see when we look at a hill. You just see a hill, but we see pain and inconvenience. When I was little, I looked at a hill and saw opportunities of fun. Like using my scooter to go fast down the hill, or like running up it as fast as I could. But all of those fun opportunities diminished when I developed the aches and pains in my knees that Aaron, my dear interviewee, talks about. 

He goes on to say that the pain builds up to an unbearable level, making him sweaty when he sits for too long. Being in so much pain that you sweat is something I can relate to all too well. His answers reflect my entire experience with my knees, encapsulating the constant discomfort and the toll it takes on daily activities. The intensity of the pain often feels overwhelming, making simple tasks feel like huge challenges. It’s a shared struggle that goes beyond just physical discomfort, impacting overall quality of life and emotional well-being.

Leading into the next question, I ask him if he ever got a proper diagnosis. As the reader may know, I never got a proper diagnosis either. I think this points to some odd systemic issues. Hospitals in the Bronx often don't do their best for patients unless the situation is deemed critical. This means that many individuals with non-life-threatening but still significant health concerns can be overlooked or not given the thorough care they need. The lack of comprehensive diagnoses and follow-up care can lead to ongoing health issues and a general sense of frustration and neglect among people like him and I. 

As the interview progresses, he goes on to mention that his biggest challenge is not being able to play sports with his son. With all the side to side and quick knee movements it’s nearly impossible for him to keep up with his son. It seems super frustrating because he really loves playing sports with his son rather than being on the sidelines. It just simply doesn’t cut it. He still tries to stay involved, though, like coaching or doing slower drills, so they can still have fun together despite this. Meaning he overcomes this obstacle the same way he does with every obstacle, by staying positive. 

And last but not least, “how do you think your condition will evolve in the future?” This is such a fascinating question because it isn’t factoring in his determination and resilience. While the physical aspects of his condition might progress, his ability to adapt will undoubtedly continue to define his journey. He believes that by staying proactive, and maintaining a positive outlook, he can manage whatever comes his way. 

Our conversation was a poignant reminder of the power of shared experiences and the importance of a strong support network. After we concluded the interview, he left me with words of encouragement that resonated deeply within me, “Embrace your journey, no matter how challenging it may be. You are stronger than you realize, and you are never alone.”

 I know now that I can adapt to my ever changing body.. physically changing is only half the struggle. The other half is purely mental. I am strong enough to have made it through, and wise enough to at least know that life is an unfortunate series of events. It’s all about how you choose to proceed when those events happen that can make or break you. 

PRE-INTERVIEW LETTER